I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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