so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
it glows. i had to have it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
