How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
