He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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