Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
