My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
that may or may not have been my penis.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
