Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize