i just had sex bonerless
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
