Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We are all done wearing pants today
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
