remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
