birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize