Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
