Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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