As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
