I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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