Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't deserve a penis
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
