So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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