keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
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Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
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Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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