WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
