If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I know her cup size but not her name....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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