I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
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dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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