WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The beer is more important than you right now.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
