ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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