Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
