I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i've created a new STD.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
