My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
