hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
