I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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