An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
