I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
