She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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