how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
