I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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