You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
