i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
