Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
