Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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