Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
