john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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