Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
