You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
