i permit you to call me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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