Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
