God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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