I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
