break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
