So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
