I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
