Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
