Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
