One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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