One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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