He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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