So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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