the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
