Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
