She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
