i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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