Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
