paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
