tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
