No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
