I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
