I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
