I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
