Moan for me like Helen Keller
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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