Is it normal to miss your booty call?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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