Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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