I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
