I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
