yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
